Many times I have complained and moaned to others, and might I add, boasted, about the overwhelming attention I receive on the road from male spectators. Although, compared to most daring westernised girls who have no problem with showing off their legs, cleavage and body shape, I make sure to cover as much skin as possible. With that being said, I wear extra layers underneath tops and jumpers so less can be seen, and I enjoy wearing long jackets. As a result, I have boasted many times about the 'prettiness' of my face, as a man has nothing more to go on when he spots me and approaches me. Most girls cannot boast about this, neither make the same claim, as I myself, have witnessed men smack their tongues across their lips in lust at a woman's behind, only to follow her and show an apparent disappointed expression on their face, at the woman's face. Laugh as you wish, but when I'm seeing girls forcefully arching their backs whilst walking, I can't help but detest their sacrifice for negative male attention in comparison for self-respect and some self-worth.
Last week, I visited a renowned Islamic bookshop in Brixton Hill to interview some revert brothers for my dissertation on Islamic convert culture. While I was there, the brothers were very respectful and non-judgemental, even though I walked in dressed in jeans, a long jacket, my big hoops in my ears and my hair tied up in a bun. I felt slightly embarrassed at the way I was dressed, with practising Muslim brothers around me dressed in Thobes (a long-sleeved gown like garment worn by Muslim men) and a skull cap, knowing two of them were married too, making them even more respectful in front of me. However, they very kindly offered me an Abaya ( a full length outer body garment, otherwise known as a Burka) and a Hijab (head covering) free of charge.
Below : How I looked that day before dressing Islamically
For over a year now, I have contemplated adopting the Islamic attire for women, however, I have felt unable to do so, as I am struggling with other parts of practice as a Muslim. Because, I am very conscious of portraying the best possible representation as a Muslim, I wanted to wear the Abaya and Hijab when I am fully practising, and therefore not feeling inadequate as a Muslim. Obviously, this is open to debate as it should be, but this is my personal opinion and stance. But as I admire the look of the Abaya and Hijab, and even more so, the signifying importance for the concept of modesty and protection from it, I decided to put it over my clothes in the bookshop.One of the brothers very patiently helped me adjust my Abaya properly, which I was very grateful for. When I was done, the brothers showered me with compliments, telling me how beautiful I looked and repetition of the Arabic phrases (Ma Shaa Allah : Praise be to Allah) and (Allahuma Bariik : May Allah bless you) were music to my ears. Without sounding cliche, I actually felt like a new person, a more respectful and humble one and even I, myself, found it both amazing and interesting how my behaviour changed as soon as I had it on. I naturally started lowering my gaze (which you are advised to do as a Muslim) and being humble in general, speaking softly as well as being shy and reserved, until I started interviewing the participants.
Following on from this, one of the brothers contacted me on Thursday night to encourage me to go Mosque and attend Friday prayer, otherwise known as 'Jummah'. I do try my best to pray five times a day, but I had never attended this particular Friday prayer, but always motivated others to do so, especially men. The thought of me feeling like a precious diamond whilst covered head to toe and rubbing shoulders with other good Muslim sisters and being in a religious setting was enough for me to make the intention to go to 'Jummah' on Friday, and so I did.
Friday came surely quicker than a blink of an eye, I had gone to university in the morning to drop of a form to student services, but I deliberately didn't attend my classes. This was for a number of reasons. Firstly, I felt nervous and anxious as to what people's reaction to me being veiled up in black clothing would be, since they're so used to my urban style of dress. Secondly, though I would want to adopt this style of dress for the rest of my life, I was not sure if I'd want to wear it after that day on a permanent basis. Therefore, I guess I was trying to avoid people's judgements at all costs, which is inevitable anyway. Silly me, huh!
Its just I don't agree with certain things I see girls in Abayas and Hijabs doing, openly smoking, free-mixing (walking with male friends/lovers and being intimate with them). I'd rather a sister not wear the attire and do as she wishes, than to do so with it on. When you wear the Abaya and Hijab, you are representing Islam and the sisters within our religion, you have to be mindful of your actions. The picture below exemplifies another thing that makes me very angry. It seems to me that the Abaya and Hijab has now become a fashion statement for some sisters, rather than a standardised form of dress for modesty and respect. Why are there such things as Abayas which are so skin tight that one is clothed but naked? Why are sisters wearing the Hijab and showing hair at the front, or wearing Hijab and tight-fitted clothes, revealing their body shape? The purpose is being defeated and I do not want to be a part of this fiasco, which is why I would rather permanently wear this when I feel ready to do so in the proper manner.
Below : me dressed in my Abaya and Hijab
I left my university in a rush after collecting some books from the library on Latin America for home study and made ways for Friday prayer at Brixton Mosque. I arrived excited and again nervous, I took of my shoes and greeted the sisters at the mosque with ( 'Assalmu Alaikum' : may the peace and blessings of Allah be upon you). I went upstairs and quietly observed my surroundings, the mosque was full of revert sisters from pre-dominantly Caribbean and mixed heritage backgrounds, juxtaposed with the born Muslim Somali sisters. Children playing around, mothers gently telling their offspring off, sisters bustling in and out, it was a very homely atmosphere. The Friday 'Kutbah' (sermon) finally started, and the topic was on implementing practice after acquiring knowledge in Islam, as well as being more aware and getting to know Allah's 99 names, which are all his attributes. The 'Kutbah' was very inspiring and hard-hitting to say the least, tears started rolling down my cheeks, I wanted to change so badly, to be strong in my faith, but I wiped my tears away and prayed to become a pious 'Muslimah' (Muslim woman) in the future.
After prayers, as I walked down the streets of Brixton, I noticed how invisible I had become, it was such a liberating experience. Rather than men staring me down, which for me, is the usual for everyday I stepped outside, men didn't even notice I was on the road. It felt good to be invisible for once. Getting called beautiful by every man that passes by me and being told I got pretty eyes and a wonderful smile is priceless, yes, but what gives me a better feeling, is when a man out of sheer respect and faith in Allah, lowers his gaze when he sees me! I hope one day I can fully commit to wearing the Islamic attire which protects me from being lusted over by men and enforces people to get to know me for my character, rather than be overwhelmed by my beauty.
Last week, I visited a renowned Islamic bookshop in Brixton Hill to interview some revert brothers for my dissertation on Islamic convert culture. While I was there, the brothers were very respectful and non-judgemental, even though I walked in dressed in jeans, a long jacket, my big hoops in my ears and my hair tied up in a bun. I felt slightly embarrassed at the way I was dressed, with practising Muslim brothers around me dressed in Thobes (a long-sleeved gown like garment worn by Muslim men) and a skull cap, knowing two of them were married too, making them even more respectful in front of me. However, they very kindly offered me an Abaya ( a full length outer body garment, otherwise known as a Burka) and a Hijab (head covering) free of charge.
Below : How I looked that day before dressing Islamically
For over a year now, I have contemplated adopting the Islamic attire for women, however, I have felt unable to do so, as I am struggling with other parts of practice as a Muslim. Because, I am very conscious of portraying the best possible representation as a Muslim, I wanted to wear the Abaya and Hijab when I am fully practising, and therefore not feeling inadequate as a Muslim. Obviously, this is open to debate as it should be, but this is my personal opinion and stance. But as I admire the look of the Abaya and Hijab, and even more so, the signifying importance for the concept of modesty and protection from it, I decided to put it over my clothes in the bookshop.One of the brothers very patiently helped me adjust my Abaya properly, which I was very grateful for. When I was done, the brothers showered me with compliments, telling me how beautiful I looked and repetition of the Arabic phrases (Ma Shaa Allah : Praise be to Allah) and (Allahuma Bariik : May Allah bless you) were music to my ears. Without sounding cliche, I actually felt like a new person, a more respectful and humble one and even I, myself, found it both amazing and interesting how my behaviour changed as soon as I had it on. I naturally started lowering my gaze (which you are advised to do as a Muslim) and being humble in general, speaking softly as well as being shy and reserved, until I started interviewing the participants.
Following on from this, one of the brothers contacted me on Thursday night to encourage me to go Mosque and attend Friday prayer, otherwise known as 'Jummah'. I do try my best to pray five times a day, but I had never attended this particular Friday prayer, but always motivated others to do so, especially men. The thought of me feeling like a precious diamond whilst covered head to toe and rubbing shoulders with other good Muslim sisters and being in a religious setting was enough for me to make the intention to go to 'Jummah' on Friday, and so I did.
Friday came surely quicker than a blink of an eye, I had gone to university in the morning to drop of a form to student services, but I deliberately didn't attend my classes. This was for a number of reasons. Firstly, I felt nervous and anxious as to what people's reaction to me being veiled up in black clothing would be, since they're so used to my urban style of dress. Secondly, though I would want to adopt this style of dress for the rest of my life, I was not sure if I'd want to wear it after that day on a permanent basis. Therefore, I guess I was trying to avoid people's judgements at all costs, which is inevitable anyway. Silly me, huh!
Its just I don't agree with certain things I see girls in Abayas and Hijabs doing, openly smoking, free-mixing (walking with male friends/lovers and being intimate with them). I'd rather a sister not wear the attire and do as she wishes, than to do so with it on. When you wear the Abaya and Hijab, you are representing Islam and the sisters within our religion, you have to be mindful of your actions. The picture below exemplifies another thing that makes me very angry. It seems to me that the Abaya and Hijab has now become a fashion statement for some sisters, rather than a standardised form of dress for modesty and respect. Why are there such things as Abayas which are so skin tight that one is clothed but naked? Why are sisters wearing the Hijab and showing hair at the front, or wearing Hijab and tight-fitted clothes, revealing their body shape? The purpose is being defeated and I do not want to be a part of this fiasco, which is why I would rather permanently wear this when I feel ready to do so in the proper manner.
Below : me dressed in my Abaya and Hijab
After prayers, as I walked down the streets of Brixton, I noticed how invisible I had become, it was such a liberating experience. Rather than men staring me down, which for me, is the usual for everyday I stepped outside, men didn't even notice I was on the road. It felt good to be invisible for once. Getting called beautiful by every man that passes by me and being told I got pretty eyes and a wonderful smile is priceless, yes, but what gives me a better feeling, is when a man out of sheer respect and faith in Allah, lowers his gaze when he sees me! I hope one day I can fully commit to wearing the Islamic attire which protects me from being lusted over by men and enforces people to get to know me for my character, rather than be overwhelmed by my beauty.