Two days after the 7/7 bombing anniversary, I sat reading an
English interpretation of the Holy Qur'an on the train, I could feel numerous
sets of eyes preying on me. A few people were staring at the cover of the
Qur'an, others looked awkward that I had caught them looking. Welcome to my
world as a twenty one year old Muslim.
My religion has been important to me since I have been a
teenager, I recall my friends were always going to get their eyebrows done,
which is regarded as a major sin in Islam as one is interfering with the way
Allah has created them. I have been tempted to get my eyebrows shaped but I
said no! Also my friends had boyfriends and encouraged me to do the same, but I
stayed strong and didn't give in. Pre marital relationships are forbidden in
Islam, and so I strived my hardest to follow this rule.
With my parents being very strict as well, I was hardly
allowed out, so that I wouldn't go to meet any boys and get up to mischief. During
my former years, I often felt like a prisoner and secluded from the outside
world and I was struggling to contain my outgoing nature. Now 21 years on, I am
on parent curfew for similar reasons and I have learnt to appreciate the little
freedom I do have. Not all Muslim parents are like mine and I have to say I
appreciate the discipline behind a curfew that my parents have placed on me.
However, I cannot wait till the day I am able to have my own flat/house and
rejoice in independence and freedom to do what I want and when.
I do not follow all the rules in Islam and like every son of
Adam, I sin every day. Unlike some Muslim girls, my family do not force me to
wear the Islamic dress but have insinuated that they would be happy if I did.
In the past, I have worn the Hijab and body covering (Abaya), I have vivid memories
of people in supermarkets eyeing me with suspicion when I previously chose to
wear the Islamic attire. I now dress in westernised clothes as I do not feel
ready to commit to the Islamic code of dress and therefore I am often mistaken
for not being Muslim as a result. While this is very offensive to me, I have
learnt to get used to it.
I once visited a
local corner shop in Brixton and asked the shopkeeper if a packet of sweets
were Halal and he asked me why I would care especially as I am not Muslim. What
he had said made me furious and upset, his judgement was faced on the mere fact
that I was not wearing the Hijab. I believe myself to be someone of faith,
regardless of how I look. There are Muslims who may dress accordingly but who
hold little faith and no commitment to the religion they are openly
representing.
I'm not the perfect
Muslim, but I try my best to abide by the basic principles of Islam, I pray my five daily prayers, I can read the Qur'an in the original language of Arabic which
it was revealed in and I have memorised certain passages within it. In
addition, I do not smoke or drink and I am still a virgin, which has gained me
massive respect but scrutiny as well, with labels like 'goody two shoes' and
'frigid'. I'm not trying to paint a halo on top of my head instead of a Hijab,
but I just want people to realise I can be a practising Muslim despite what I wear.
My Islamic values and western ways are constantly in
conflict, I listen to UK rap music all the time, even through music is strictly
forbidden in Islam, as it takes you away from the remembrance of Allah. I try
to make up for listening to rap music by also listening to recitations of
Quranic passages and embracing the beauty of Islam and its guidance revealed in
the holy book.
In terms of social
life, I do not consume alcohol or smoke any drugs, or go partying and clubbing,
even though my peers do regularly. This is because I know intoxicating myself
can have negative effects, which may hinder my state of mind and ability.
Shutting myself away from alcohol altogether has often had me feeling left out
and isolated, as it has lead to me leaving events two hours early because
everyone is enjoying drinks, which I can't consume and enjoy. I guess I've
missed out on opportunities to network or strengthen some friendships, but
everything comes at a cost.
I have male friends whom I am close with and hang out with,
which is something that is not permissible for a Muslim girl. The male friends
I have are both Muslims and Non-Muslims, which is something some Muslims detest
and disapprove off. This is because keeping male company, whom are not close
family, is regarded as a taboo in the Muslim community.
There has been many times where I have had to sacrifice my
love of Islam and my determination to be as good of a Muslim as I can, to fit
in with the society I live in. Islam forbids handshakes between men and women, but
I have shaken hands with men, but with the intention it is business and
business only.
Being a young Muslim woman living in London, I often feel my
religion is misunderstood and scrutinised in an uncomplimentary manner. Just
like no two snowflakes are the same, not all Muslims are the same either. Not
all Muslims are groomed by ISIL on the cyber sphere and then fly out to Syria
the next day, to fulfil wayward jihad fantasies. Most Muslims are like me,
struggling to balance an Islamic lifestyle while, holding on to Western values. Practicing peaceful Muslims are not far and few but in fact a majority, who are dismissed
at the expense of lunatics who misinterpret Islam to suit their sadistic
motives.
I now describe myself as a both a struggling and practicing Muslim. It is hurtful that to for one describe
yourself as a devout Muslim ,bears too much stigma in an Islamophobic society. ISIL
are one of the main reasons as to why so many people have ill attitudes and
ignorant views about the fastest growing religion in the world and its
followers. To be a Muslim, is to follow a religion that stands for peace, not
violence.
As much as I am very aware of misinformed attitudes
regarding Islam and its principles, I love promoting the beauty of my religion
through discussion and my actions. Reading the Qur'an lifts my soul, it grounds me and heals my pain during hard
times. Praying five times a day gives me inner peace and adds structure to my
life. No matter how people look at me on the train, I will continue to read my
Qur'an on the way to work and hold my head high.